ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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