Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
