Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
