So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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