Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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