yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do vagina's smell?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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