I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
