I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
