I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
