i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
