its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
