I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
