I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
