he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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