I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
