Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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