real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's blow job season.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
