Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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