ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Pants are for mortals
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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