I love black thongs
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
