i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
