She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
