Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
