I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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