My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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