I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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