I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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