he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
