it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
