the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
