i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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