Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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