in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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