id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
