Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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