I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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