I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
