I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
