O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
