I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
