She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
