Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
