just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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