Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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