Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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