Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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