Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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