I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
