So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
