This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
