i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
