I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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