yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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