He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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