i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
