You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
