I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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