I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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