Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
