508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
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You may now shotgun with the bride
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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