If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
