how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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