Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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