It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
be right there i have to get my cape
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
