There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
