I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
