Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
