belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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