Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
COCAINE IS GR8
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
