If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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