Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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