the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
